Hello all!
It has been a while.
I have a new job, but its all really the same old shit.
Time passes when you have a 9-5 (Or in my case 8:00-4:30) Monday to Friday job. I am already getting sick of it, and I am only 24 years old. The next fifty years are going to really fucking blow at this rate.
I have been out of work and my life for a few days. I had some sort of 'general allergic reaction' a few days ago and have not been feeling well since. Nothing really serious happened, however I did experience an accelerated heart rate, anxiety and a bad case of hives. This all happened at about 8:30 am at work, so that's always embarrassing. I got to my doctors office by 10am and by that time, the itching and hives were pretty much gone. The Doc said I definitely had an allergic reaction of some sort. I went for blood tests for god knows what and haven't heard anything back yet. I'm pretty sure its cancer.
Other then being very itchy, i have not been up to much. I am starting to play ball hockey once a week with Dylan and Conway. Speaking of Conway, we are starting a hockey podcast. Email for more info at Conwayandmac@yahoo.ca or visit Http://Conwayandmac.blogspot.com
I have a feeling that Toronto cannot come fast enough. The daily grind is already getting to me as I have mentioned before. For whatever reason, I seem to be unable to cope with the regularity of life. I always seem to feel that something else is needed in order to be truly happy. Right now, the main factor is money. Although I understand the old saying, money cant buy you happiness, I do know that money could buy me a big ass fucking apartment in Toronto and let me live my dream. However I cannot help but ask if moving to Toronto is what I really need to do, or if it is just another back door. I always seem to think that I will be happier and better off if I move, or have some sort of major change. But it really all comes back to the same point.I haven't even attempted and yet I am telling myself I can do better.
I have learned several things about myself in the last few months. One being that I cannot have a job in which every day is the same. I need new and interesting happenings to keep me going. I really don't think I could sit at a computer desk and "code" all day, or at my current job, "keg washing." It is the same old shit over and over and it never ends, because they are constantly being reused and recycled. Wash the top, wash the sides, tap to the cleaning machine, flip over, start cycle, make sure kegs get hot, end cycle, flip over, repeat. All in all, it is not that difficult of a job. Almost anyone can do it, so long as you can lift about 25 pounds. (Conways out) Yet I know for a fact that if I had to do that everyday, I would last about a week tops. I cannot do it. My mind tells me that this is a bullshit job. I start thinking about how useless this is and how I am meant for so much more. By the end of the first day, it was almost enough for me not to come back. Luckily for me, my job varies almost every day. So for now, I am able to cope.
I cannot help but ask, what will it take for me to be satisfied, and after years and years of being on the cusp of it, I cannot help but wonder if I ever will be. It is easy to try and convince yourself that everything will be OK, but for how long do you listen if nothing ever changes. How long do you follow that road before you pull over and ask for directions. What if you are indeed going the wrong way, who could you trust other then yourself for directions? If i have been wrong this whole time, then who the fuck is right? If everything you know is a lie, then where does the truth begin?
Mediocre is not good enough because I have had my goals set so high. As Marshall Mathers says in 8 mile "Do you ever wonder at what point you got to stop living up here, and start living down here?"
I'm not sure Rabbit... I'm just not sure.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
radiohead, refeer, and my quest for gold
Yo Yo Yo.
I regret to from everyone, including myself, that I will not be attending the Radiohead show tomorrow (August 18th, 2008). Yes I know... I am also deeply troubled by the whole thing, however life must continue, and that it will.
Not much new in the last few days. I am still without a job. The running tally of days being jobless have reached over 60. I am starting to feel like a bum. I hope that I can just gently glide into retirement. Lack of RRSP's and money in my savings account might argue with me on this one, buuutt I'm not going down with out a fight. Live free or DIE!!! Well.. I don't really mean that. I'll probably end up getting a job.
Umm.. what else. Maybe, JUST maybe I'll make enough money playing poker that I won't have to get a real job. That is a long shot, but hey, I've been running hot the last couple of weeks, and have been making more money playing cards then i would with a "working" job. I'll probably lose all my money and be broke by the end of the week.
Now, it is time for the question of the WEEK! Ok, this has been asked to multiple people, and I have had some interesting results so far. So, without any further delay here it is. Please be seated.
In which sport or event do you think I would have the best chance of winning a gold medal in, at the NEXT (four years) Summer Olympic games? Now first off, some clarification. I would not work for four years and focus on training. Daily workout and cardio along with training involving the specific event. All that being said, I am afraid of water, so swimming and diving are out. I have a strong frame, but only 6 feet tall. Remember, I would have 4 years to train and practice EVERY day. So... what would it be?
I will post the top answers I've received in the next blog. Happy trails!
I regret to from everyone, including myself, that I will not be attending the Radiohead show tomorrow (August 18th, 2008). Yes I know... I am also deeply troubled by the whole thing, however life must continue, and that it will.
Not much new in the last few days. I am still without a job. The running tally of days being jobless have reached over 60. I am starting to feel like a bum. I hope that I can just gently glide into retirement. Lack of RRSP's and money in my savings account might argue with me on this one, buuutt I'm not going down with out a fight. Live free or DIE!!! Well.. I don't really mean that. I'll probably end up getting a job.
Umm.. what else. Maybe, JUST maybe I'll make enough money playing poker that I won't have to get a real job. That is a long shot, but hey, I've been running hot the last couple of weeks, and have been making more money playing cards then i would with a "working" job. I'll probably lose all my money and be broke by the end of the week.
Now, it is time for the question of the WEEK! Ok, this has been asked to multiple people, and I have had some interesting results so far. So, without any further delay here it is. Please be seated.
In which sport or event do you think I would have the best chance of winning a gold medal in, at the NEXT (four years) Summer Olympic games? Now first off, some clarification. I would not work for four years and focus on training. Daily workout and cardio along with training involving the specific event. All that being said, I am afraid of water, so swimming and diving are out. I have a strong frame, but only 6 feet tall. Remember, I would have 4 years to train and practice EVERY day. So... what would it be?
I will post the top answers I've received in the next blog. Happy trails!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Beautiful Blue Beaded Prom Dress- Size 4
Ahh yes, I can remember my prom like it was six years ago. High end limousines, cheap rum and the possibility of getting and erection during that special slow dance. Oh yes, I remember it well. It's funny now looking back, thinking that I had the world at my finger tips. I did really, but that was indeed the last time I played with a globe. Time has come and gone. Boys have became men, women have become mothers. Degree's and diploma's fill the mantel. Memories and medicine fill the day. Ahh yes, I remember now. How fun it all was.
Early twenties are supposed to be the best years. But I find that the best of anything cannot be forced. 'This is going to be the best sandwich ever! Hmm.. but I'm out of mustard...'. It is hard to look into a mirror and tell yourself that 'this is going to be the best day of my life.' Who really knows if its going to be the best day of your life? I think what makes that best day of your life is not knowing that its going to happen. So the next time someone tells you that life is great until you reach 30, or any ago for that matter, punch them in the face and say "Yeah, you're right"
Who needs these boundaries implemented by others. Who is to say I cannot do this, or shouldn't do that. I'm going to smoke. I'm getting that tattoo. I'll fucking play until I decide to quit.
Ahh yes, the rebel. The human desire to say fuck the free world. Fun to think, hard to follow. I think we need a little bit of both in our day to day life. We need come structure and order for sure. But once in a while, the little man (or women) in your head says fuck it. The best of both worlds.
Early twenties are supposed to be the best years. But I find that the best of anything cannot be forced. 'This is going to be the best sandwich ever! Hmm.. but I'm out of mustard...'. It is hard to look into a mirror and tell yourself that 'this is going to be the best day of my life.' Who really knows if its going to be the best day of your life? I think what makes that best day of your life is not knowing that its going to happen. So the next time someone tells you that life is great until you reach 30, or any ago for that matter, punch them in the face and say "Yeah, you're right"
Who needs these boundaries implemented by others. Who is to say I cannot do this, or shouldn't do that. I'm going to smoke. I'm getting that tattoo. I'll fucking play until I decide to quit.
Ahh yes, the rebel. The human desire to say fuck the free world. Fun to think, hard to follow. I think we need a little bit of both in our day to day life. We need come structure and order for sure. But once in a while, the little man (or women) in your head says fuck it. The best of both worlds.
The standard. The Norm. The okay.
Hello.
A little different tone for this one. But it is good to be different once in a while. It is good to be wrong once in a while.
I find myself waiting. For what I do not know. Every time the phone rings, or I wake up in the morning, I seem to dream briefly. Dream of a different answer, a different truth. One that I can only hope is indeed real. The what if.
It is something that everyone does, admitted or not. Thinking, dreaming, call it what you will. I often find myself sitting motionless, my eyes fixed on absolute nothing. I wonder. I cannot stop. I wonder.
Endless scenarios of current affairs in my life are what it is all about. What would be better, what could be worse. How can I change, or keep the same.
Love. The empty and the full. How one person can effect so much of your day to day life. How is this possible? Why do I find myself more concerned with other people rather then myself? That must be a flaw, because how can I make someone more important then me? It seems to go against everything we live and strive for. Surly there are circumstances in which you must be concerned or worried about someone. However why and how does it go beyond that? Is it logical to lie to yourself to please others? Or even worse, to try and please others knowing that it is not a guarantee that it will work, or that you are doing the right thing. Hurting yourself for the unknown.
At which point do I draw the line. How far must I go before I snap back from the dream and into the real. At which point do I just accept the good and not drag it out looking for imperfections? How long before I accept the good?
I ponder ones actions in time of despair. The course of actions that follow seem to make so much sense at a given point and time, but when looked back upon are often viewed as immature. It does seem that I often rush to fix a problem or concern without really taking the time to see or understand the truth behind it. Sweeping it under the rug works for a day or two, but that is really not the way. Maybe I am just lazy, or scared. Maybe I do know what is needed to be done, but refuse to do so out of self doubt. Maybe.
Everything happens for a reason.
It will all work itself out.
I can't worry about that now.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
The standard. The Norm. The okay.
Fuck all that.
I want to know where you are. I want to see the truth. I want to feel. I want to make sure.
But who am I to change the way I think or what actions I take. After all, where does my dream end and real life begin? After so many dreams, and so many thoughts, they all blend together now. I'm sure it will all work its self out...
Pardon the sad, more happy blogs to come! :)
A little different tone for this one. But it is good to be different once in a while. It is good to be wrong once in a while.
I find myself waiting. For what I do not know. Every time the phone rings, or I wake up in the morning, I seem to dream briefly. Dream of a different answer, a different truth. One that I can only hope is indeed real. The what if.
It is something that everyone does, admitted or not. Thinking, dreaming, call it what you will. I often find myself sitting motionless, my eyes fixed on absolute nothing. I wonder. I cannot stop. I wonder.
Endless scenarios of current affairs in my life are what it is all about. What would be better, what could be worse. How can I change, or keep the same.
Love. The empty and the full. How one person can effect so much of your day to day life. How is this possible? Why do I find myself more concerned with other people rather then myself? That must be a flaw, because how can I make someone more important then me? It seems to go against everything we live and strive for. Surly there are circumstances in which you must be concerned or worried about someone. However why and how does it go beyond that? Is it logical to lie to yourself to please others? Or even worse, to try and please others knowing that it is not a guarantee that it will work, or that you are doing the right thing. Hurting yourself for the unknown.
At which point do I draw the line. How far must I go before I snap back from the dream and into the real. At which point do I just accept the good and not drag it out looking for imperfections? How long before I accept the good?
I ponder ones actions in time of despair. The course of actions that follow seem to make so much sense at a given point and time, but when looked back upon are often viewed as immature. It does seem that I often rush to fix a problem or concern without really taking the time to see or understand the truth behind it. Sweeping it under the rug works for a day or two, but that is really not the way. Maybe I am just lazy, or scared. Maybe I do know what is needed to be done, but refuse to do so out of self doubt. Maybe.
Everything happens for a reason.
It will all work itself out.
I can't worry about that now.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
The standard. The Norm. The okay.
Fuck all that.
I want to know where you are. I want to see the truth. I want to feel. I want to make sure.
But who am I to change the way I think or what actions I take. After all, where does my dream end and real life begin? After so many dreams, and so many thoughts, they all blend together now. I'm sure it will all work its self out...
Pardon the sad, more happy blogs to come! :)
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Over a month, under the microscope
Greetings!
It has been far to long.
So much to write about, so don't know where to start.
Well, since I am listening to their music why not start with Wolfmother. They broke up yesterday. I saw them at Pemberton Music Festival, which will be a topic all on its own. Wolfmother was amazing. Great energy, amazing sound, and they played pretty much note for note which I love about a bad live. The solos were epic, the hair was fro-ish, the pot was smokin'. Just a great show.
Now why on earth would a band, whose first album sold over 1.5 million copies world wide, who toured none stop for nearly two years building an already popular fan base, break up? They were on the verge of stardom, and could have released a second album that had 11 spoken word songs featuring Fran Dresser and it would have sold a million copies! As per wolfmother.com, the band broke up due to irreconcilable personal and musical differences. You will be missed my friends, you will be missed.
As mentioned before, pemberton was amazing. I could write a book of all amazing bands, crazy stories and the mass amounts of drinking from everyone through out the whole festival. It was a gong show and it was amazing. If it does go on next year, you MUST go. Enough said.
Life has been a little weird of late. So many directions that I could take, and I don't know exactly what path to follow. Although the long term goal of Toronto is forever in place, the next step is somewhat of a tricky one. Here, there, anywhere. I could move and do whatever I want.
I must get back to my decision making. I will update more often I promise.
Love.
It has been far to long.
So much to write about, so don't know where to start.
Well, since I am listening to their music why not start with Wolfmother. They broke up yesterday. I saw them at Pemberton Music Festival, which will be a topic all on its own. Wolfmother was amazing. Great energy, amazing sound, and they played pretty much note for note which I love about a bad live. The solos were epic, the hair was fro-ish, the pot was smokin'. Just a great show.
Now why on earth would a band, whose first album sold over 1.5 million copies world wide, who toured none stop for nearly two years building an already popular fan base, break up? They were on the verge of stardom, and could have released a second album that had 11 spoken word songs featuring Fran Dresser and it would have sold a million copies! As per wolfmother.com, the band broke up due to irreconcilable personal and musical differences. You will be missed my friends, you will be missed.
As mentioned before, pemberton was amazing. I could write a book of all amazing bands, crazy stories and the mass amounts of drinking from everyone through out the whole festival. It was a gong show and it was amazing. If it does go on next year, you MUST go. Enough said.
Life has been a little weird of late. So many directions that I could take, and I don't know exactly what path to follow. Although the long term goal of Toronto is forever in place, the next step is somewhat of a tricky one. Here, there, anywhere. I could move and do whatever I want.
I must get back to my decision making. I will update more often I promise.
Love.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Back on the Island
For those who don't know, I am back on the island. The trip was great. A lot of good times and memories. Thanks to all those I met and all those who helped me out along the way!
The plan now is to head back to Toronto to attend school at Second City. I need to save up some cash along the way before I go.
Although it is nice to be back home, I cannot but feel like I left something behind. That is a strong indication that I really do want and need to go back and go to SC. Just being inside the building, looking at all the pictures is enough to give you goose bumps. I cant imagine what will happen once I am enrolled.
I hope to be back out in Toronto ASAP. However, due to money issues, and the high cost if living in the downtown area, I have no idea when I will be able to return. September or October seem to leading the way right now.
If anyone out there is willing to pay me a lot of money very fast for any sort of job, let me know.
Maybe I will just pool together some change and play the lottery. How could I not win?
I watched Karate Kid part two today. The rating on the shaw guide said two stars. But I'm going to have to go ahead and disagree with that. Mr.Miyagi is a fucking genius. He was actually really really good! For those who don't remember what the plot of the movie is (only a few I'm sure) Mr. Miyagi and Daniel take a trip to Okinawa to visit Mr Miyagi's dieing father. After arriving Mr Miyagi finds he still has feelings for an old love. This stirs up trouble with an old rival that he originally left Okinawa to avoid. In the mean time Daniel encounters a new love and also makes some enemies. I don't want to get into further details, just in case someone out there hasn't seen it. I recommend everyone goes out and purchases this movie. Hell, buy all three! One of the best American trilogies of all time. And if Mr.Miyahi doesn't make you weep at least three times in the first two movies, you have something seriously wrong with you.
Ok... Now it's time for the number one game show in all of THE NORTH AMERICAS!!
FUN FACTS OF MR. MIYAGI! (aka Pat Morita)
Graduated from Armijo High School in Fairfield, California.
Was often billed as the Hip Nip for his stand-up comedy performances.
Was a fan of the Green Bay Packers football team.
Diagnosed with spinal tuberculosis as a child and was told that he would never walk.
Was the first American-born Asian nominated for an acting Oscar. It was for his role of Mr. Miyagi in The Karate Kid (1984).
His real accent is American, when playing "Mr. Miyagi" in the Karate Kid movies, he used a "fake" Japanese accent.
During his funeral procession, his former co-star Ralph Macchio quoted, "Forever, my Sensei" towards the mourners.
Is Actually Brad MacDougall's real father, but has been kept secret for many years due to law suits still pending in the United States.
That's all the time we have for the show today! But join us next week when we discuss more FUN FACTS! of Mr.Miyagi!!!
Ok, enough of that. I look forward to continuing my blog even though I am no longer traveling. For those who read, right on! If not, oh well!
More to come, stay tuned!
The plan now is to head back to Toronto to attend school at Second City. I need to save up some cash along the way before I go.
Although it is nice to be back home, I cannot but feel like I left something behind. That is a strong indication that I really do want and need to go back and go to SC. Just being inside the building, looking at all the pictures is enough to give you goose bumps. I cant imagine what will happen once I am enrolled.
I hope to be back out in Toronto ASAP. However, due to money issues, and the high cost if living in the downtown area, I have no idea when I will be able to return. September or October seem to leading the way right now.
If anyone out there is willing to pay me a lot of money very fast for any sort of job, let me know.
Maybe I will just pool together some change and play the lottery. How could I not win?
I watched Karate Kid part two today. The rating on the shaw guide said two stars. But I'm going to have to go ahead and disagree with that. Mr.Miyagi is a fucking genius. He was actually really really good! For those who don't remember what the plot of the movie is (only a few I'm sure) Mr. Miyagi and Daniel take a trip to Okinawa to visit Mr Miyagi's dieing father. After arriving Mr Miyagi finds he still has feelings for an old love. This stirs up trouble with an old rival that he originally left Okinawa to avoid. In the mean time Daniel encounters a new love and also makes some enemies. I don't want to get into further details, just in case someone out there hasn't seen it. I recommend everyone goes out and purchases this movie. Hell, buy all three! One of the best American trilogies of all time. And if Mr.Miyahi doesn't make you weep at least three times in the first two movies, you have something seriously wrong with you.
Ok... Now it's time for the number one game show in all of THE NORTH AMERICAS!!
FUN FACTS OF MR. MIYAGI! (aka Pat Morita)
Graduated from Armijo High School in Fairfield, California.
Was often billed as the Hip Nip for his stand-up comedy performances.
Was a fan of the Green Bay Packers football team.
Diagnosed with spinal tuberculosis as a child and was told that he would never walk.
Was the first American-born Asian nominated for an acting Oscar. It was for his role of Mr. Miyagi in The Karate Kid (1984).
His real accent is American, when playing "Mr. Miyagi" in the Karate Kid movies, he used a "fake" Japanese accent.
During his funeral procession, his former co-star Ralph Macchio quoted, "Forever, my Sensei" towards the mourners.
Is Actually Brad MacDougall's real father, but has been kept secret for many years due to law suits still pending in the United States.
That's all the time we have for the show today! But join us next week when we discuss more FUN FACTS! of Mr.Miyagi!!!
Ok, enough of that. I look forward to continuing my blog even though I am no longer traveling. For those who read, right on! If not, oh well!
More to come, stay tuned!
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