Hey guys, I'm going to start posting my favorite videos. Some of you have probably seen this before, but I just love it. This is from Tim And Eric Awesome Show. Its a really cool new hip sketch comedy show with crazy editing that sets the apart from any other. As my friend Morgan said, they make something of of nothing. If you ever get a chance to watch full episodes, do it.
This is the best of Dr. Steve Brule from season 2. (Yes, sweet berry wine is part of it)
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Knock Knock
An old friend on mine showed me this. Thank you sir. It's not funny but it did blow my mind and bring a tear to my eye.
German 101
I really just make up the title as I go.
HI EVERYONE!
Life in TO is continuing as expected.
My Toronto Maple Leafs have started the seasons with seven losses. The Toronto Blue Jays absolutely shit the bed as soon as I moved here, and finished why back in the division despite a great start. The Toronto Argonauts are in dead last in the CFL and were officially eliminated from playoff contention for the second straight year after Friday's loss. The Toronto Raptors missed the playoffs last year for the 12th time in 14 years, and will most likely lose their best player (Chris Bosh) as we has expressed interest in 'testing the market' (aka getting the fuck out of dodge) Toronto also has a pro soccer team.. buuuut nobody really likes soccer anyways.
Yes, times are rough in the early fall, here in Toronto. Everything we do, we fail. The god damned trees even are shedding their leaves. We are loosing sunlight and warm weather as the days go on. We can't win.
Yet, today I walked around the City wearing my beautiful custom made Doug Gilmour maple leafs jersey. I won't let all this negativity get me down. No way. I wear my jersey with pride. It will take more then a few bad games to get me to throw my jersey away for the season. I don't care if my team is 0-7 or 7-0, they are still my team. Sure I heard "LEAFS SUCK!" a few times. Thanks for that by the way. Why must people always bring others down? It's times like this that make it tough to be a fan, but I ain't giving up that easy.
I suppose I was 'heckled' today. I better get used to that if I want to do stand up. I'm sure people can say a lot worse things than Leafs Suck while I'm on stage. I'm sure it will be tough, but I can't let them win. I Must Rise Above! I Must Survive! I Must Thrive!
So tell me, what's the worst thing you could yell at me while I'm on stage?
HI EVERYONE!
Life in TO is continuing as expected.
My Toronto Maple Leafs have started the seasons with seven losses. The Toronto Blue Jays absolutely shit the bed as soon as I moved here, and finished why back in the division despite a great start. The Toronto Argonauts are in dead last in the CFL and were officially eliminated from playoff contention for the second straight year after Friday's loss. The Toronto Raptors missed the playoffs last year for the 12th time in 14 years, and will most likely lose their best player (Chris Bosh) as we has expressed interest in 'testing the market' (aka getting the fuck out of dodge) Toronto also has a pro soccer team.. buuuut nobody really likes soccer anyways.
Yes, times are rough in the early fall, here in Toronto. Everything we do, we fail. The god damned trees even are shedding their leaves. We are loosing sunlight and warm weather as the days go on. We can't win.
Yet, today I walked around the City wearing my beautiful custom made Doug Gilmour maple leafs jersey. I won't let all this negativity get me down. No way. I wear my jersey with pride. It will take more then a few bad games to get me to throw my jersey away for the season. I don't care if my team is 0-7 or 7-0, they are still my team. Sure I heard "LEAFS SUCK!" a few times. Thanks for that by the way. Why must people always bring others down? It's times like this that make it tough to be a fan, but I ain't giving up that easy.
I suppose I was 'heckled' today. I better get used to that if I want to do stand up. I'm sure people can say a lot worse things than Leafs Suck while I'm on stage. I'm sure it will be tough, but I can't let them win. I Must Rise Above! I Must Survive! I Must Thrive!
So tell me, what's the worst thing you could yell at me while I'm on stage?
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Happy Thanksgiving
Yes, Thanksgiving is here already. Mashed potatoes, gravy, and six servings of turkey. Sounds pretty standard to me. I never really save room for dessert, buuut I manage to squeak her down anyways. A few glasses of wine, maybe a beer or four, or even a good old fashioned rye or bourbon, the way Grandpa used to drink. Whatever your drink of choice is, its always tougher to keep drinking after that big meal, isn't it? Try pounding back a 6 pack after two platefuls turkey gravy goodness. No way. Can't do it. I thought I solved the problem last year when I switched to wine, but try staying up past 9 o'clock with a belly full of turkey and 3 glasses of red wine in you. No way. Can't do it.
The left overs the next day are always my favorite. I remember I wouldn't eat breakfast in the morning because I was still full from the night before, but then lunch time comes around and I break out the goods. I fill my plate with more potatoes and salad and turkey and stuffing. I eat almost as much as the night before, and you know what that means. Nap time. I wake up just in time to do it all over again for dinner. God bless Thanksgiving!
This Thanksgiving is not the one I remember, however. I am sitting here, alone in my apartment as I write this. Being away from home at times like this can be a little rough. I do wish I could be back, even just for a few hours to say hi and enjoy a warm home cooked meal. I also know why I am here, and understand that being away is a price I pay in order for me to grow, learn, love and develop my craft. As I sit here typing and thinking of home, I can't help but smile. I know that without the continuous love and support from my amazing friends and family, that I would not be here today. And for that, I am truly very thankful.
So tell me, what are you thankful for?
The left overs the next day are always my favorite. I remember I wouldn't eat breakfast in the morning because I was still full from the night before, but then lunch time comes around and I break out the goods. I fill my plate with more potatoes and salad and turkey and stuffing. I eat almost as much as the night before, and you know what that means. Nap time. I wake up just in time to do it all over again for dinner. God bless Thanksgiving!
This Thanksgiving is not the one I remember, however. I am sitting here, alone in my apartment as I write this. Being away from home at times like this can be a little rough. I do wish I could be back, even just for a few hours to say hi and enjoy a warm home cooked meal. I also know why I am here, and understand that being away is a price I pay in order for me to grow, learn, love and develop my craft. As I sit here typing and thinking of home, I can't help but smile. I know that without the continuous love and support from my amazing friends and family, that I would not be here today. And for that, I am truly very thankful.
So tell me, what are you thankful for?
Friday, October 9, 2009
BACK IN BLACK
Hello sports fans!
It's hard to believe that its almost the middle of October. The weather is starting to get cold everywhere. Snow in Edmonton, Calgary, Winnipeg. Guess who is next? Fuck.
Possible snow later next week in the forecast. Here we go!
I think I am pretty much ready for the cold season. I do need to find a toque, and some good warm boots. It seems like last month I was having trouble sleeping cause It was too hot, now its fucking snowing. Damn you, God.
My Landlord did this yearly inspection of all the apartments in the building the other day. Mine is still shitty. I got a notice saying this was going to happen, something about a safety inspection, smoke detector/monoxide bullshit. So it said on the notice that he would come between 9am-4pm, and since I'm on the top floor, I figure he'll be around in the afternoon sometime. So I set my alarm for 10am, thinking that will give me time to get up and clean a little, and make sure the apartment looked landlord worthy. 9:03am I awake to a loud banging on my door. I bolt up from my bed like I had been shot. FUCK. I immediately know what's going on. In my head I say, Landlord here. Didn't clean. Put on pants. So I do, and open the door. Landlord and his assistant walk into my place. His assistant dude lives in the building, I always see him working inside or outside the place. He is tall and really skinny with a mustache and has his hair pulled back into a small pony tale, and he smokes like an '83 dodge caravan. He looks like a criminal and has the worst B.O. I have ever smelt. I swear to fucking god the other day he was cutting the grass outside (as oppose to inside?) .. he was cutting the grass oustide while I was coming home from the store. At this point, I couldn't actually see him, but obviously could here the mower. As I walk closer to the building, it hit me. The BO of a life time. I could smell his stinky ass 20 feet away. I could literally smell him before I could him. That's really bad fucking sign. Normally when someone cuts the grass, the air has a nice fresh crisp garden smell. Not this time, no way. This was rampant BO. It overpowered nature. It's bad man, really bad. And it's ALWAYS bad.
Anyways, the two walk into my place, and my landlord looks around and asks me where my smoke detector is. How the fuck do I know? This shit hole didn't have one when I got here, and judging by the many burn holes and black spots on the repulsive pink carpet, there hasn't been one in here for a while. So B.O. boy reached up to the ceiling and installs the fuckin smoke detector while at the same time raising his arms higher then the BO containment rules regulate. They made random quick small talk and left. The whole thing took about 30 seconds, tops. The BO hovered for about 20 minutes.
Now, I don't mind the safety of a smoke detector. I don't smoke, so it really doesn't bother me. The guy below me however must hate his life (or just took the batteries out of the thing) cause he smokes a lot. Every ten minutes I have the pleasure of smelling and breathing his second hand smoke as comes in from my luxury sliding patio door from below. (Why don't you just shut the door then, Brad?) Fuck you. Ok, back to the point, smoke detector. So it's later on, about 1 am now. Yes, I am a night owl. It's 1am and I'm feeling like dinner. Yes, I am a night owl. So I look through my stunning, spacious, solid oak cabinets for a suitable meal. I find three packs of Mr. Noodles, some tinfoil, and half a bag of salty stale soup crackers. Not exactly Emeril Lagasse over here.
So I put the water to boil to cook Mr.Noodles (chicken), and about 5 minutes later, you guessed it. Smoke detector. DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE...... Did I mention its just past 1am? I start huffin' and puffin' and the bloody thing finally stops.
Two minutes later.
DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE
You see, my oven does not have a fan or vent above it like it should. Not exactly a Mike Holmes design. So when I cook something, the smoke and steam just fucking party it up until Mr. Smoke or Steam detector says other ways.
After the second time the bloody thing went off I stood on the edge of the couch, ripped that fucker off the ceiling took out the batteries and called it a day.
Who need a smoke detector anyways? I'm on the fourth floor mother fucker, I'll be fine.
It's hard to believe that its almost the middle of October. The weather is starting to get cold everywhere. Snow in Edmonton, Calgary, Winnipeg. Guess who is next? Fuck.
Possible snow later next week in the forecast. Here we go!
I think I am pretty much ready for the cold season. I do need to find a toque, and some good warm boots. It seems like last month I was having trouble sleeping cause It was too hot, now its fucking snowing. Damn you, God.
My Landlord did this yearly inspection of all the apartments in the building the other day. Mine is still shitty. I got a notice saying this was going to happen, something about a safety inspection, smoke detector/monoxide bullshit. So it said on the notice that he would come between 9am-4pm, and since I'm on the top floor, I figure he'll be around in the afternoon sometime. So I set my alarm for 10am, thinking that will give me time to get up and clean a little, and make sure the apartment looked landlord worthy. 9:03am I awake to a loud banging on my door. I bolt up from my bed like I had been shot. FUCK. I immediately know what's going on. In my head I say, Landlord here. Didn't clean. Put on pants. So I do, and open the door. Landlord and his assistant walk into my place. His assistant dude lives in the building, I always see him working inside or outside the place. He is tall and really skinny with a mustache and has his hair pulled back into a small pony tale, and he smokes like an '83 dodge caravan. He looks like a criminal and has the worst B.O. I have ever smelt. I swear to fucking god the other day he was cutting the grass outside (as oppose to inside?) .. he was cutting the grass oustide while I was coming home from the store. At this point, I couldn't actually see him, but obviously could here the mower. As I walk closer to the building, it hit me. The BO of a life time. I could smell his stinky ass 20 feet away. I could literally smell him before I could him. That's really bad fucking sign. Normally when someone cuts the grass, the air has a nice fresh crisp garden smell. Not this time, no way. This was rampant BO. It overpowered nature. It's bad man, really bad. And it's ALWAYS bad.
Anyways, the two walk into my place, and my landlord looks around and asks me where my smoke detector is. How the fuck do I know? This shit hole didn't have one when I got here, and judging by the many burn holes and black spots on the repulsive pink carpet, there hasn't been one in here for a while. So B.O. boy reached up to the ceiling and installs the fuckin smoke detector while at the same time raising his arms higher then the BO containment rules regulate. They made random quick small talk and left. The whole thing took about 30 seconds, tops. The BO hovered for about 20 minutes.
Now, I don't mind the safety of a smoke detector. I don't smoke, so it really doesn't bother me. The guy below me however must hate his life (or just took the batteries out of the thing) cause he smokes a lot. Every ten minutes I have the pleasure of smelling and breathing his second hand smoke as comes in from my luxury sliding patio door from below. (Why don't you just shut the door then, Brad?) Fuck you. Ok, back to the point, smoke detector. So it's later on, about 1 am now. Yes, I am a night owl. It's 1am and I'm feeling like dinner. Yes, I am a night owl. So I look through my stunning, spacious, solid oak cabinets for a suitable meal. I find three packs of Mr. Noodles, some tinfoil, and half a bag of salty stale soup crackers. Not exactly Emeril Lagasse over here.
So I put the water to boil to cook Mr.Noodles (chicken), and about 5 minutes later, you guessed it. Smoke detector. DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE...... Did I mention its just past 1am? I start huffin' and puffin' and the bloody thing finally stops.
Two minutes later.
DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE
You see, my oven does not have a fan or vent above it like it should. Not exactly a Mike Holmes design. So when I cook something, the smoke and steam just fucking party it up until Mr. Smoke or Steam detector says other ways.
After the second time the bloody thing went off I stood on the edge of the couch, ripped that fucker off the ceiling took out the batteries and called it a day.
Who need a smoke detector anyways? I'm on the fourth floor mother fucker, I'll be fine.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Went to the bank, and made an observation
my fuckin bank has a security guard.
that's not a good sign.
one thing I don't get.
that mother fucker has no gun.
what the fuck.
the ONLY reason he is employed it prevent a robbery. People rob banks with guns, or at least some sort of weapon. That's a fact, cause there's no way some dude walks into a bank trying to rob the mother fucker with a frying pan.
BACK UP MOTHER FUCKER! THIS SHIT IS HOT! I JUST COOKED EGGS!
What?
But yeah, the Guard dude don't have a gun.
I don't understand that. Worst part is, this dude at my bank is a 60 year old east Indian dude. Now I don't have anything against the east Indians. I like them mother fuckers. I do.
But if my bank gets robbed, I don't want to have to rely on the 60 year old
frail looking, unarmed, peaceful paki!
He's putting hes arms in the air just as fast as any 60 year old man can, lets face the facts.
They say that that's what they are supposed to do. Do not resist, don't be a hero,
cooperate.
Why the fuck they even there then?
Alright so let me get this straight, I sit on my ass all day in that vault?
And in the odd chance some dude does rob the place, I give up my night stick and
sit my ass on the floor?
Correct.
How much does this job pay again?
that's not a good sign.
one thing I don't get.
that mother fucker has no gun.
what the fuck.
the ONLY reason he is employed it prevent a robbery. People rob banks with guns, or at least some sort of weapon. That's a fact, cause there's no way some dude walks into a bank trying to rob the mother fucker with a frying pan.
BACK UP MOTHER FUCKER! THIS SHIT IS HOT! I JUST COOKED EGGS!
What?
But yeah, the Guard dude don't have a gun.
I don't understand that. Worst part is, this dude at my bank is a 60 year old east Indian dude. Now I don't have anything against the east Indians. I like them mother fuckers. I do.
But if my bank gets robbed, I don't want to have to rely on the 60 year old
frail looking, unarmed, peaceful paki!
He's putting hes arms in the air just as fast as any 60 year old man can, lets face the facts.
They say that that's what they are supposed to do. Do not resist, don't be a hero,
cooperate.
Why the fuck they even there then?
Alright so let me get this straight, I sit on my ass all day in that vault?
And in the odd chance some dude does rob the place, I give up my night stick and
sit my ass on the floor?
Correct.
How much does this job pay again?
Friday, October 2, 2009
Registered!
Just registered for my 2nd term at Second City!
A few things have changed that I mention in my last blog!
I have made the very difficult decision not to take the Writing 2 class I wanted to take this term. With the Improv B and the Stand up 101 on Tuesdays and Mondays respectively, I wanted to really make sure I can focus 100% on Stand up. I will continue with the writing in the terms to come after my stand up is finished :)
Classes start as follows:
STAND UP 101 OCT 26th.
IMPROV B OCT 27th.
There is a two week gap between classes which has its pros and cons. Pro is that it will allow me to come home for Christmas for two weeks, and not miss a boatload of classes.
Con is I have to wait for 4 weeks before my stand up class starts.
I am super stoked. The class is 8 weeks long, and will end with me performing my very own 5 minute bit live on stage in a comedy club.
Fucking amazing and really stoked for it. I am also really excited about level B improv. It should start to get really fun and challenging from here on out.
LATER!
EDIT: This term ends DEC 15th. I plan to arrive in Victoria for the holiday season shortly after. :)
A few things have changed that I mention in my last blog!
I have made the very difficult decision not to take the Writing 2 class I wanted to take this term. With the Improv B and the Stand up 101 on Tuesdays and Mondays respectively, I wanted to really make sure I can focus 100% on Stand up. I will continue with the writing in the terms to come after my stand up is finished :)
Classes start as follows:
STAND UP 101 OCT 26th.
IMPROV B OCT 27th.
There is a two week gap between classes which has its pros and cons. Pro is that it will allow me to come home for Christmas for two weeks, and not miss a boatload of classes.
Con is I have to wait for 4 weeks before my stand up class starts.
I am super stoked. The class is 8 weeks long, and will end with me performing my very own 5 minute bit live on stage in a comedy club.
Fucking amazing and really stoked for it. I am also really excited about level B improv. It should start to get really fun and challenging from here on out.
LATER!
EDIT: This term ends DEC 15th. I plan to arrive in Victoria for the holiday season shortly after. :)
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