You and Your Johnson

Ok kids, this is a silly one. Back in grade school, kids used the word Johnson instead of Penis. Well, this takes it too a whole new level.

Dont leave me now!

Hello friends!

Thanks to all those who took part in the June poll. Looks like everyone wants me to do Stand up and a youtube show. Well, those were the two I was going to do anyways, so Im glad you all agree :)

I know I have not posted in a while. I am moving to BC in a week, and have been doing a lot of soul searching and personal planning of my life and comedy career.

I just want to say, once I get settled in Vancouver, my blog will be a staple point to my comedy, so don't leave me now. I have generated many great stand up ideas through writing, and plan to re-read every blog I ever wrote to search for every possible joke or funny bit. I plan to use lots of this stuff one way or another in my comedy.

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It was eight years ago this month that Ryan Conway and I moved over to Vancouver to follow our acting dreams out of high school. That is very hard to believe. It has been quite the journey for me. Although I have not had a lot of personal success in the comedy world, that does not mean I am loosing faith. In fact, I can honestly say that I am more excited and ready then ever to follow my comedy foot steps.

Time is a beautiful thing.

In the last 8 years, I learned many things about myself and this crazy world we live in. My comedic voice is growing. My desire to make people laugh is growing even faster.

The late great George Carlin said he didn't really find his comedic voice until he was in his 50s. I hope it doesn't take me THAT long, but who cares if it does. It doesn't mean I can't go out and do it now. Comedy is a muscle, and the more you exercise and use that muscle, the stronger it becomes.

I look forward to my adventures back in Vancouver. I am back to prove all who doubted me along the way wrong. I am out to prove to the world that you can never give up on your dreams. That no matter what happens in your life, positive or negative, you must strive forward and never take your eye off the prize. I am out to prove that hard work, dedication and desire will pay off.

Most of all, I am doing this for ME, my friends and my family. Without them, I would and could not do this.

I am going against the grain, off the beaten path.

My choice. My way.

The man says go to college and get a good job.

Fuck you.

The man says buy a house and have a baby.

Fuck you.

The man says you always need a back up plan in case things don't work out.

Fuck that.

My goals have and always will be that same. To make people laugh. To make them forget, even if its just for a minute, about their problems or concerns. To let people smile.

This is my gift to the world.

Don't give up on me now friends, because 8 years later, Brad is coming back to Vancouver. 8 years stronger and 8 years wiser.

Ain't nobody gunna cut me down.

random quote

I ended my last blog with a bit from this movie.
I quote most of this on a daily basis.


Del: I know you don't I? I'm usually very good with names but I'll be damned if I haven't forgotten yours.
Neal: You stole my cab.
Del: I never stole anything in my life.
Neal: I hailed a cab on park avenue this afternoon and before I could get in it. You stole it.
Del: You're the guy who tried to get my cab. I knew I knew you! You scared the bejesus out of me. Come to think of it it was easy to get a cab during rush hour.
Neal: Forget it.
Del: I can't forget it. I am sorry. I had no idea it was your cab. Let me make it up to you. How about a nice hot dog and a beer.
Neal: No thanks.
Del: Just a hot dog then.
Neal: I'm kinda picky about what I eat.
Del: Some coffee?
Neal: No.
Del: Milk?
Neal: No.
Del: Soda?
Neal: No.
Del: Tea?
Neal: No
Del: LifeSavers?
Neal: No.
Del: Slurpee?
Neal: Sir - please.
Del: Just let me know. I'm here.
[smiles, shaking his finger at Neal]
Del: I knew I knew ya!

Ok... so here it is.

I have several things to say.

1. Things are great! :)

2. I can't stop listening to Sweet Thing. Awesome. They are playing a show later this month at the historic Horseshoe Tavern here in Toronto. It'll be awesome.

3. I'm moving back to Vancouver.

Boom. Take that.

Most of you probably already know that by now, but for those who don't, there you have it. The cat is out of the bag. Here's a question for you. Why was the cat in the bag to begin with? That seems mighty cruel to me my friend. Did you at least cut some holes in the bag so the little kitty could breathe? Cats have enough shit to worry about without the thought of being suffocated in a freaking plastic bag. Things like..

Dogs.

Fleas.

Getting neutered or spayed.

More dogs.

Fresh kitty litter.

Getting run over by a car.

Attacked by larger and meaner cats.

Sudden loud noises.

So from now on, lets always keep the cat out of the damn bag, ok??

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Its a close vote right now for this months pole. It was a slow start, but its heating up now. Keep on voting my friends!

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THE PLAN

Arrive in Victoria a week or two before Dylan and Deanne's Wedding Day on August 1st.

Sublet my sisters apartment for the month of August while she is in Ottawa 'studying'.

Get me own place for September 1st.

Start kicking ass.

Im not sure where I'll end up living, but I am really leaning towards the West End. My sister recently moved there and she loves it. I really do love the appeal of being 15 minutes away from anything. Only problem is the price ranging from 800-1200 and up for a one bedroom. Shitty.

I'll keep you posted on that.

For now, I'm just hanging out. My last day at Work is June 24th. That will give me three weeks to pack up and sell all the shit I dont need or is too expensive to ship. Like my TV. :( I freaking love my TV. But she has to go. Sigh.

CAMERA UPDATE

I got my new 8gb memory card. No go. No workie. Camera is screwie. Fuck meie.

So now my plan is to return to future shop and exchange my camera for another one. They have really jerked me around. I need to wait a few days before I go in, cause if I went in now, I may blow off a little steam. I think it'd go something like this.

Future shop: [cheerfully] Welcome to Future shop, may I help you?

Yes.

How may I help you?

You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks. Then you can give me a fucking camera, a fucking Sony, a fucking Panasocic, a fucking JVC, a fucking Canon! Four fucking lens and a record button!

I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.

And I really don't care for the way your company shipped my camera to middle of fucking nowhere with no fucking clue on what the fuck you're talking about. And I really didn't care to fucking ride down here five times on fucking bus, and across the fucking subway to get back here to have you smile in my fucking face. I want a fucking camera, right fucking now.

May I see your camera receipt?

I threw it away.

Oh boy.

Oh boy, what?

You're fucked.

Sweet Thing - Dance Mother

Hey guys, this my friend Morgan's band. They are awesome. The first CD comes out this summer. This is the first single and music video. There a few f bombs mixed in so be warned.

Great video and amazing song. Well done boys!!

Friday night and it feels alright.

The party is here on the west side.

Hey guys,

Just got home from work. Thought I would write a little before I try and sleep.

It has been blazing hot in Toronto. I talked to my mother a few days ago. She said it was 12 degrees and raining in Victoria. I said it was 36 degrees and not even close to raining in Toronto.

It was literally three times hotter in Toronto then in Victoria. That's nuts man. Granted the 36 was factoring in the humidity, which is the worst gift god ever gave us. It was actually only a nippy 31 degrees with out it.

Nippy is the greatest word god ever gave us.

I would honestly prefer the 12 degrees and raining over the 36 muggy. That's what growing up on Vancouver Island will do to a boy.

I don't believe in god. I think George Carlin summed it up the best. I used to be religious, until I reached the age of reason.

Don't mean to offend. Just sayin.

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I have received many comments on the blog since I started up again. I really didn't know how many people read this freaking thing. I guess its a little daunting now, knowing that I am being read. I often right whats on my mind (kinda like that god bit), and I guess I do get personal at times (kinda like my last blog bit). I just open up the page and start typing. It's rough and its raw. I don't often think of who will read it. I really don't tell a lot of people about it either, most of my followers are from my friends speaking so highly of me. So a big thank you to them, and to you.

I as have said many times, I hope to keep it going this time!

And now its time for another episode of Deep Thoughts, with Jack Handey.

To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?,' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'

I have decided to commit to one or more of my comedy ideas. I have many. They range from stand up, to theatre, to (yes more) improv, to my own youtube show. I am not sure which one I'll go with yet. The youtube show pretty much stems from this blog. I have several general concepts for the show, but haven't really nailed anything down. It could be as easy as me reading news stories for 5 minutes.

Did I mention it was hot?

We have a giant AC outdoor unit with huge fans on our patio. Problem is it's not for us. Its for the barber shop below us. Biggest tease every. I can hear the fans turn on from my bedroom. I have poor mans AC. A window and shitty fan from walmart.

Ryan Conway is a great man. Just sayin.

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QUESTION OF THE DAY!!

If you could live in any city in the whole entire world, which one would it be and why?

Cant sleep

So I'll write a little.

One of the reasons I think I started writing again is because I received an interesting email two weeks ago. I guess it is fairly self explanatory.


Subject: Pending Thanks
Hey man,

I knew Gavin for a little bit and upon applying to work at Second City, he mentioned your name and referred me your blog in passing. I checked it out, and it ended up making a really big impression on me before starting there.

While it's just a minimum wage kind of gig and I doubt I could ever get up the nerve to perform, it is a huge deal to be a part of the community, and I felt like I had to thank you for your role in my being a part of that.

So for as weird as it may be to do so (it's weird, there's no 'maybe' about it), I just wanted to say thanks for making that impression.

Sarah

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I really didn't know how to respond to that. Probably why I haven't replied yet. Maybe she'll read that here. Oh boy.

I find it hard to believe that my blog can help people and make 'a really big impression' on anyone. That's a huge compliment obviously. It was inspiring to read. It reminded me of something special I told myself back in grade 12. Something that was maybe lost along away over the last 8 years.

Back in 1998-1999 I was a young teenager. I was shy, I did not have many friends, I was not cool, I was over weight, and I had long hair (more not cool). I remember one day, some kid threw a mandarin orange at me as hard as he could. He hit me right in the square of the back. I thought my life was over.

I remember walking home that day, trying not to let the other kids see that I was crying.

I also remember something else that day.

I downloaded a 4 minute clip off of the 'internet', called 'Matt Foley, the Motivational Speaker.' This was of course the famous scene starring Chris Farley on Saturday Night Live. I remember watching that clip and laughing so hard, that I had to pause so I wouldn't miss anything. I watched that clip for a god damn hour. Over and over. It made me forget about that loser who threw shit at me. It made me smile. It made me happy.

I will never forget what Chris Farley did for me. Not only on that day, but everyday after that as well. Without knowing, Chris played a major role in my life. I slowly gained confidence and friends. I decided I wanted to be an comedic actor.

Most of all, Chris Farley put a smile on my face when I needed it the most. And for that, I will always be thankful.

In grade 12 I remember telling myself the following.

If I can help someone in this life, as much as Farley helped me, than I can die a happy man. I have to spread this great gift of love and laughter to anyone that will hear it. Not everyone is as lucky as I am. If I can help bring joy to just one person, and make them forget about their problems, worries and concerns, even just for a while, than that will be my gift to the world.

I hope that Sarah was not the first person I helped, I know she will not be last.

I cannot forget where I came from.

I cannot forget why I am here.

I cannot forget Farley, and his beautiful gift that he gave to me.