The standard. The Norm. The okay.

Hello.

A little different tone for this one. But it is good to be different once in a while. It is good to be wrong once in a while.

I find myself waiting. For what I do not know. Every time the phone rings, or I wake up in the morning, I seem to dream briefly. Dream of a different answer, a different truth. One that I can only hope is indeed real. The what if.

It is something that everyone does, admitted or not. Thinking, dreaming, call it what you will. I often find myself sitting motionless, my eyes fixed on absolute nothing. I wonder. I cannot stop. I wonder.

Endless scenarios of current affairs in my life are what it is all about. What would be better, what could be worse. How can I change, or keep the same.

Love. The empty and the full. How one person can effect so much of your day to day life. How is this possible? Why do I find myself more concerned with other people rather then myself? That must be a flaw, because how can I make someone more important then me? It seems to go against everything we live and strive for. Surly there are circumstances in which you must be concerned or worried about someone. However why and how does it go beyond that? Is it logical to lie to yourself to please others? Or even worse, to try and please others knowing that it is not a guarantee that it will work, or that you are doing the right thing. Hurting yourself for the unknown.

At which point do I draw the line. How far must I go before I snap back from the dream and into the real. At which point do I just accept the good and not drag it out looking for imperfections? How long before I accept the good?

I ponder ones actions in time of despair. The course of actions that follow seem to make so much sense at a given point and time, but when looked back upon are often viewed as immature. It does seem that I often rush to fix a problem or concern without really taking the time to see or understand the truth behind it. Sweeping it under the rug works for a day or two, but that is really not the way. Maybe I am just lazy, or scared. Maybe I do know what is needed to be done, but refuse to do so out of self doubt. Maybe.

Everything happens for a reason.
It will all work itself out.
I can't worry about that now.
I'm sure it'll be fine.

The standard. The Norm. The okay.

Fuck all that.

I want to know where you are. I want to see the truth. I want to feel. I want to make sure.

But who am I to change the way I think or what actions I take. After all, where does my dream end and real life begin? After so many dreams, and so many thoughts, they all blend together now. I'm sure it will all work its self out...

Pardon the sad, more happy blogs to come! :)