another ramble

I wrote this today as a comedy bit, but i thought i'd share it with my friends.

And now.. an honest word from an honest man

So there is this dude that hangs out at the 7-11 right beside my apartment building. By hang out i mean beg for change, not playing hacky sack or some shit. Now, this dude is not your ordinary hobo. He does not have a beard, he does not look dirty, but he does have a savage case of bed head. Maybe he should try a hat. Now, he's not a bum, but by no means is he Brad fuckin' Pitt. He's fucked up. He's got a nervous twitch thing going on, he dresses like dirty k-mart, and he looks like he sleeps in a box. Is it still bed head if you don't sleep in a bed? chew on that for a while.

I go to the 7-11 pretty often, (milk, eggs, condoms etc) so I see the dude almost everyday, and everyday i walk up to the store, he's outside asking for spare change.

Spare change? Spare change? He asks in higher then normal girl friend voice.

First of all, living in Vancouver for five years taught me how to handle the begging for money situation.

No.

Secondly, I noticed that every time someone does give him money he goes DIRECTLY into 7-11 and buys something with it. I'd be in the store hitting on a chick (bluff), and the next thing I'd see is dirty K-mart walk in the door and buy a mini pack of brownies and a sour key. Fuck that. I ain't giving this dude my money just so he can go spend it on slurpees and munchies. That's what I'M spending MY money on mother fucker.

So, I was in the store again today (more condoms) and sure as shit Twitchy comes in with a new score on him. He gets a small bag of Doritos 'Scream Cheese' flavor, which frankly, just scares the shit out of me, and he also gets a one dollar crossword scratch and win. That mother fucker is going in with the money, and gambling? He's on a free roll? Is his big plan to win the 10k jackpot and retire a champ?

Now that's awesome don't get me wrong, but I will never give him my dollar, because i'll think of that dollar as a scratch and win, and then i'll think, fuck him, I want a scratch and win.

So the battle continues.

I'll keep you posted.