Well, it's Saturday night, so you know what that means. Nothing. I'm sitting here doing nothing. And i love it.
It's time for a little Questions and Answers. You emailed them, and now I'm Responding.
Here we go. Most of these are the FAQ (Frequently asked questions for all you non virgins).
Q: I hear your new place does not have a bed. How is the pull out couch? Is it comfortable?
A: Oh heavens no. The pull out couch is pretty much a bunch of pointy metal under a two inch piece of foam. It is held together by metal wires, not exactly sleep country Canada.
Q: Where do you sleep then if not on the pull out, on the couch itself?
A: Oh heavens no. The actual couch is too short, its like a couch love seat hybrid, but shittier. I sleep on the floor on the two inch piece of foam i mentioned earlier.
Q: Don't you feel like a retard sleeping on the floor of your apartment on a piece of foam?
A: Yes.
Q: Is the couch itself at least comfortable to sit on as you watch TV.
A: No and I don't have a TV, which brings up an interesting question. When a normal person sits on a couch, they have some sort of other activity going on to pass the time, IE watching TV. When you have nothing to do, sitting on a couch is rather boring. My couch faces the wall about 8 feet across from me. The wall is white and bare and not nearly interesting enough to warrant a couch.
Q: You seem agitated that you have no TV, why don't you go buy one?
A: Shut up.
Q: How long did it take the rogers cable guy to hook up your Internet?
A: 4 minutes 27 seconds. It was amazing.
Q: Seeing how your apartment is the average size of a shoe box, why did you pay more to get a wireless router when the regular set up would've worked just fine?
A: Fuck you.
Q: What did you buy at the dollar store today?
A: I'm glad you asked. Two dinner plates, two wine, pint and rocks glasses, three shot glasses, two normal drinking glasses, three spoons, two forks, three butter knives, four steak knives, a seven inch chef knife, a spatula, tongs, a ladle, a blue salad bowl, two blue cereal bowls, a loaf of bread, two picture frames, a paper towel holder, a can opener, scissors, a small frying pan, two bars of soap, two packs of gum, a can of ice tea, a blank 'certificate of excellence' diploma (ill fill in some cool shit later), a small cement statue (I call him Monty), 10 tea candles, TP, a TP holder, shampoo, hand soap,(don't ever try washing anything but your hands with hand soap. I saw a dude start washing dishes with hand soap one time and shit it the fan. It was fucked) celery salt, steak spice, dawn DISH soap, two tea towels, an oven mitt, a wine opener, a pizza cutter, a can of "Max" body spray which is a shitty knock off of axe, four double AA batteries, a bathroom 'air freshener' (for the ladies), two plastic zip lock containers, four dish scrubbing pads, plastic wrap, and two medium tip pens.
Q: How much did you spend of the dollar store today?
A: $74.
Q: Were you completely fucking blow away by all the cool cheap shit that they had, which was absolutely perfect for a guy like yourself, who had all but two bags of luggage when he moved?
A: Yes.
Q: Do you think you'll ever go back to the dollar store?
A: Tomorrow.
Q: How many bugs have you killed so far while typing all of this?
A: Two, and a little under a half. Most of him got away.
Q: That's fucking gross
A: That's not a question
Q: Did you talk to the landlord about it?
A: Yes, he told me to buy the bug killer stuff and he will reimburse me.
Q: Did that satisfy you?
A: No. A place with out silver fish would satisfy me.
Q: Did you get 'cold water' in the shower situation sorted out?
A: Landlord said he'd send a guy Friday to take a look.
Q: What day is it now?
A: Saturday.
Q: Is that a long time to go only having burning hot scolding water to shower in?
A: Fuck you.
Q: How many cans of Arizona green tea are in your apartment right now?
A: 4. All empties.
That is all questions I have time for today. Keep sending them if you wish, my email is DropdeadSmokinHotUppityHooker@PleaseDon'tEmailMe.com.
Cheers.
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