Saturday, July 18, 2009

Quick bit

Hey guys. I just realized that picture on the right makes me look like a crazy person. Maybe I should change it.

I wrote a little comedy bit... I thought I would share it with you. If may not read that funny... but just try and picture me doing it...


yahoo news bit

anyone here been on the Internet?

yeah.. crazy shit right.

ok, so I use yahoo.com for my email. Most people have hotmail, or they use there own isp email. Not me. Im a yahoo man, have been for about 6 years now. So that means Ive been going to yahoo.com for a long time now. In this time, things have changed. Yahoo, once more famous for its shitty yet addicting game of pool, is now famous for more gossip type shit.. like tabloids, and who is in who, and who is dead.. that sort of thing. Every time i 'sign in' there are 5 different news stories, with one major headline and feature story. Its like a new modern newspaper, but like most news papers, its shitty. Its more hollywood and octo mom shit than anything else, you know?

so i never cared, and hardly ever clicked on any of that shit... i just checked my mail.

once in a while they'd have a sports article

"oh cooooooool"

but now... now they have gone too far.

since most people don't give a flying hoot about who is cool, and what is new and trendy, they had to trick us.

they trick is with headline of each story... the headline never ends up being what the real article is about. They use lots of 'quotes' and '....'

I was checking my email today.. as i do almost everyday day, when yahoo news grabbed my attention

LOCAL SCHOOL COLLAPSE KILLS THOUSANDS

OH My God

that's fucking awful.. local. how local? local to who? I click on the link, sadly awaiting gods latest cruel action.

'LOCAL SCHOOL COLLAPSE KILLS THOUSANDS.. is just one thing that could happen when the next earthquake hits..... are YOUR children SAFE?'

what?? what the fuck??

'FLYING' SQUID KILLS...

WHAT? COOL!

The "Flying" squid, which never kills anything, appears to fly underwater when it attracts a female with it's flapping tentacle mating dance...

what... what the fuck?

the best part is, on the side of the page, it has stories that relate to the one your reading, using key words..

LEARN GOOD MATING TECHNIQUES

FLYING MAN FLAPS AGAIN

LEARN TO SNORKEL... FREEE!

UNCLE BOBS DEEP FRIED SQUID RECIPE...

what the fuck???

whats going on..

it drags you in. ahhhhhhhh FUCK, I JUST WANT TO CHECK MY FUCKING E MAIL.


I just can't do it anymore...

that's why I say the Internet is on the way out. It's a thing of the past. Does anyone talk about VHS anymore? No. So fuck you Internet, drop dead. I'm quitting your old lame ass.

I'm moving FORWARD! fuck it.. I'm moving BACK!

I'm going to actually mail letters.. not electronically.

there is no better surprise than getting a real written letter from a friend or family member. But it can't be a Christmas or birthday letter. That shit is too generic now. Now we EXPECT a damn letter. that's how much the Internet has changed things..

IF I don't that letter from Grandma for my birthday.. I'm fucking call it off with her. I swear to god.

The average person now mails, on average, 1.8 letters a year. Now.. me? I have never mailed a fucking letter in years...

Can I hear a round of applause from anyone who has actually mailed a letter this year?

(if no nobody cheers, or just one or two)
EXACTLY

(if more then two or three people clap)

LIARS!

But you know, getting a letter. There is something about it, it's the best feeling in the world. It has your name on the front.. Mr. Bradley Mac. Awwww that's not junk mail, they know my nickname! You read your friends name and address written in the top corner there.. aww.. you open it up... you read

Dear Brad

how are you old friend? It was been way to long since....

thats when I start fucking balling my eyes out. I cant help it! One and a half sentences in.. i start crying. its the nicest fucking thing someone can do... As long as the letter doesn't start off like..

Ok.. so I hope your sitting down..

or

remember that HIV test i made you take a while ago?

you're in the clear. If its not a 'Im sorry I have to tell you this letter' than its just a 'how are you? I miss you' letter.

And that is amazing.

So if you love, or miss someone... write them a letter and tell them, because if they are like me... they will call you weeping like a little boy to thank you for your wonderful letter... and nothing is better than that.


-------

Yeah.. so it's alright. I like it because I can use pretty much any fake news story I want in the middle, so I can keep it up to date. Plus it's always good to tell the crowd your a sensitive man, because there is nothing funnier than a dude on stage making fun of himself and being honest.

I'll write a blog soon updating things in my world over here. Not much has changed.
I have been looking into schools, other then SCTV., which im still planning to attend no matter what. For whatever reason, Ive been looking into some TV Broadcasting courses at Ryerson Uni. and Humber college. Nothing may come from it, but who knows.

Hope everyone is well. God Bless.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

New Rule:
If you move away from all your friends and then create a suprisingly entertaining and enthrawling blog then you need to continue to update it. Seriously, my syrum Bradleymac levels are way to low.

Brad MacDougall said...

I am sorry! I will do better :)