hey kids!
SO I just finished my 4th day of work.
I have decided several things.
1. I am going to quit my job.
2. I do not belong hiding in the back of a kitchen cutting meat and making mayonnaise. (I can appreciate people who do, it's just not my thing I guess)
3. I have a very low tolerance for people who are rude, quick to judge and disrespectful.
I do not know when I will quit. I work tomorrow (Sunday 8-5:30) then I have two days off. There is a chance I will do another week, but not likely.
I know you all probably have a lot of questions, and judging by the heaps of comments about my last few blogs, it's understandable. So I have prepared a short FAQ (Frequently asked questions) List. If you question is not answered below, then please feel free to leave a comment below.
Q. You just got a job, and now you're going to quit?
A. Fuck you.
Q. Well Brad, if you quit your job, how will you pay rent?
A. Good question. Visa. (just kidding... thanks Mom... just kidding, seriously Visa)
Q. Shouldn't you have another job lined up before you quit?
A. Yes, I should. And I do. I have an interview Monday morning for a server position at a nice upper scale restaurant. They sound very nice and really want to meet with me.
Q. What if you blow the interview for the server position?
A. I have an amazing track record in interviews. The last four jobs that I interviewed for, ALL four said they would call me in a few days or a week to let me know I got it. And ALL FOUR have called the SAME day, a few hours after the interview and told me I had the job. (Current place aka Shit Bistro, Cross Roads Bar and Grill (Hi Sheena), Swiss Chalet (Hi North Van) and Me-N-Eds Pizza (Hi Pooya). My job at Lighthouse brewery I didn't even have to interview for (they heard about my sweet interview track record)
Q. You didn't really answer my question asshole, What if you blow the interview for the server position?
A. Ok, ok... IF I do somehow blow it, I have a back up plan. While riding to work on the street car, (I take King street car instead of my usual Queen street car) I noticed a hell of a lot more restaurants then I first thought were around. I counted 7 today. 7 places (St.Louis bar and grill, Jack Asters grill, The Foggy Dew, etc) that look nice, and are easy to get to and are pub style (more me). I will drop resumes off at all 7 Monday after my job interview.
Q. What position are you looking to get?
A. Bartender or Server. Prefer Server.
Q. If you kept your current job, how long would it be until you just fucking snap?
A. One, maybe two days.
Q. Have you already thought of what you will tell your boss in case you do snap?
A. I have it written down and memorized in 4 languages.
Q. Is all this bullshit really worth it?
A. Yes.
Q. Do you expect to make enough money serving to pay for rent(600), school(500), transit pass (120), food(fuck me), beer(Im screwed)?
A. I can only hope :) I may have to cut back on the food.
Q. If you had to pick one good thing about your current job, what would it be?
A. The food, but I have only had one meal since I started (no breaks for your 10 hour shifts)
Q. What was it?
A. It was a Chicken Club sandwich
Q. Was it good?
A. It was the best fucking sandwich I have ever had.
Q. Isn't the reason for sticking around?
A. I do love sandwiches... but no...
Q. Do you have to stop typing, shower, get changed, head to Grant and RJs, have some halloween beers and return in time to get a good nights sleep for your early shift tomorrow?
A. Yes, yes I do.
Q. Remember to pick up some beers before you go.
A. THANKS!
...........
More to come, stay tuned.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Grey Gh0st
another day
Hey guys.
I just finished my third day. My boss is still a prick. I'll give you an example.
I was to dice red onion into very small bits for our house made chili. He took the onion, diced up half of it, showing how he wanted me to do it. Fine. So on my cutting board was half an onion that needed to be cut, and half an onion that was already cut up by douche bag.
After he shows me how to cut it, he walks away. A buddy of mine told me nicely where I could find more onion to dice... so I got into the walk in cooler and grab some more. I get back to my cutting board, and just as I start to cut more onion, my boss says
No... You're not listening to me. They have to cut finer then that.
He budges in and again demonstrates how to do it.
But that was HIS onion that HE cut. I had not chopped anything. What a TOOL! I was going to say something, but I just smiled nicely and thank you.
haha... he really lacks some social skills. I feel sorry for people like that. Everyone thinks he is an asshole. He has such a short fuse. As I said to one of the cooks, 'If his kid spills his milk at the dinner table, what does he do? Slap him in the face?'
haha.. That's a John Candy line. God bless you John.
Speaking of John Candy, there are numerous giant framed photos of him at second city. There is a great one in my stand up comedy class room. He still inspires me, even after all these years.
........................
Ok, so sappy sad warning...
First off, I know things are going well for me. School is amazing, my first stand up gig is coming up and I have a decent job.
But after my first day of work, which did not treat me well, I was an emotional wreck. I wasn't going to write about this, but I figured the only people we actually read this are the only people I would ever tell this too.
Multiple times that day, I drifted off into my head. I asked myself.. what am I doing here? Working in this kitchen, here in Toronto? Away from all the love in my life. I could not help but feel lonely and scared. I was breaking down. I could not help but think of my close family and friends, who have helped me get this far. I thought of Dylan, who has been my best friend in so many ways, for more years then I can remember. I thought of him and Deanne, and how beautiful she is, and how happy I am they are together. I thought of the summer nights at Steve's house, and the endless hours of us laughing and being together. I thought of Cliff, and all the amazing times we have had over the last few years, and how amazingly close we have become. I thought of my Mom and Dad, and I thought.. I am doing all this for them. I thought how lucky I was, to be raised in such a loving and healthy environment, where I was told I could do anything I ever wanted and how I still believe that today. I thought of my sister Kelsey, who has been there for me all the way, and will continue to do so. I thought of my friend Greg, who I have shared some amazing times with, and who has sent my some messages over the last little while when I needed it the most, even tho he didn't know it. I thought of my friend Chris Carrol, who has been nothing short of amazing to me with love and support. Captain Conway, who has helped me in more ways then he knows or understands. My friends Grant and Graham who have taken me under their wing over here in Toronto, and have made the transition that much easier. I thought of Marcus and how much I miss him. I thought of my friend Hayley who I have shared so much with over the years, and who I continue to keep in touch with. Don and Hazel Tufford who have been nothing short of amazing in my life. I also thought of Don and his on going support of the blog and him leaving comments that made my laugh and smile. I think of my amazing friends I have met along the way. You know who you are.
I was riding the street car home that day, thinking of all this and I could not help but cry. Cry to myself, in public, on my way home, alone. Cry for all the love I have in my life. Cry for all the challenges I have faced so far. Cry for the amazing future that is ahead of me.
I cry for the fact I am away from the most important people in the world.
I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, I just want you to know how much I love you.
Because I do.
I just finished my third day. My boss is still a prick. I'll give you an example.
I was to dice red onion into very small bits for our house made chili. He took the onion, diced up half of it, showing how he wanted me to do it. Fine. So on my cutting board was half an onion that needed to be cut, and half an onion that was already cut up by douche bag.
After he shows me how to cut it, he walks away. A buddy of mine told me nicely where I could find more onion to dice... so I got into the walk in cooler and grab some more. I get back to my cutting board, and just as I start to cut more onion, my boss says
No... You're not listening to me. They have to cut finer then that.
He budges in and again demonstrates how to do it.
But that was HIS onion that HE cut. I had not chopped anything. What a TOOL! I was going to say something, but I just smiled nicely and thank you.
haha... he really lacks some social skills. I feel sorry for people like that. Everyone thinks he is an asshole. He has such a short fuse. As I said to one of the cooks, 'If his kid spills his milk at the dinner table, what does he do? Slap him in the face?'
haha.. That's a John Candy line. God bless you John.
Speaking of John Candy, there are numerous giant framed photos of him at second city. There is a great one in my stand up comedy class room. He still inspires me, even after all these years.
........................
Ok, so sappy sad warning...
First off, I know things are going well for me. School is amazing, my first stand up gig is coming up and I have a decent job.
But after my first day of work, which did not treat me well, I was an emotional wreck. I wasn't going to write about this, but I figured the only people we actually read this are the only people I would ever tell this too.
Multiple times that day, I drifted off into my head. I asked myself.. what am I doing here? Working in this kitchen, here in Toronto? Away from all the love in my life. I could not help but feel lonely and scared. I was breaking down. I could not help but think of my close family and friends, who have helped me get this far. I thought of Dylan, who has been my best friend in so many ways, for more years then I can remember. I thought of him and Deanne, and how beautiful she is, and how happy I am they are together. I thought of the summer nights at Steve's house, and the endless hours of us laughing and being together. I thought of Cliff, and all the amazing times we have had over the last few years, and how amazingly close we have become. I thought of my Mom and Dad, and I thought.. I am doing all this for them. I thought how lucky I was, to be raised in such a loving and healthy environment, where I was told I could do anything I ever wanted and how I still believe that today. I thought of my sister Kelsey, who has been there for me all the way, and will continue to do so. I thought of my friend Greg, who I have shared some amazing times with, and who has sent my some messages over the last little while when I needed it the most, even tho he didn't know it. I thought of my friend Chris Carrol, who has been nothing short of amazing to me with love and support. Captain Conway, who has helped me in more ways then he knows or understands. My friends Grant and Graham who have taken me under their wing over here in Toronto, and have made the transition that much easier. I thought of Marcus and how much I miss him. I thought of my friend Hayley who I have shared so much with over the years, and who I continue to keep in touch with. Don and Hazel Tufford who have been nothing short of amazing in my life. I also thought of Don and his on going support of the blog and him leaving comments that made my laugh and smile. I think of my amazing friends I have met along the way. You know who you are.
I was riding the street car home that day, thinking of all this and I could not help but cry. Cry to myself, in public, on my way home, alone. Cry for all the love I have in my life. Cry for all the challenges I have faced so far. Cry for the amazing future that is ahead of me.
I cry for the fact I am away from the most important people in the world.
I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, I just want you to know how much I love you.
Because I do.
day 2
Hey guys. I just wanted to write a quick note saying my 2nd day at work was much better. Lots of cool people work there, so they overpower the few assholes.
On the other hand, I got a phone call from a restaurant/lounge yesterday for a server job. I hope to schedule an interview for that very soon. I just tried calling them back but no one answered and I got nervous about leaving one of my crazy over the top messages. I'll try back here in a sec.
Yeah, talking to come of the full time cooks and prep guys, they said the pay is pretty shitty, even with the tip out we get, but it's great for those career oriented cause they learn so much. They also said they have other jobs where they make more money cooking in shittier kitchens. As cool as the Beer Bistro is, if I could get a server job.... I'd probably make twice as much money an hour, with the tips added in.
So now it is my debate. Should I keep a 45/hours a week job that pays shitty and is tough work, or get a relaxing server job where I can shoot the shit, crack jokes and smile all day, but also have inconsistent hours and tips. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM....
I have to go... to work!
More to come. Stay tuned.
On the other hand, I got a phone call from a restaurant/lounge yesterday for a server job. I hope to schedule an interview for that very soon. I just tried calling them back but no one answered and I got nervous about leaving one of my crazy over the top messages. I'll try back here in a sec.
Yeah, talking to come of the full time cooks and prep guys, they said the pay is pretty shitty, even with the tip out we get, but it's great for those career oriented cause they learn so much. They also said they have other jobs where they make more money cooking in shittier kitchens. As cool as the Beer Bistro is, if I could get a server job.... I'd probably make twice as much money an hour, with the tips added in.
So now it is my debate. Should I keep a 45/hours a week job that pays shitty and is tough work, or get a relaxing server job where I can shoot the shit, crack jokes and smile all day, but also have inconsistent hours and tips. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM....
I have to go... to work!
More to come. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
new job
Hey all.
I got a job at a fancy restaurant called The Beer Bistro.
http://www.beerbistro.com/
Check out the food menu and beer menu if you are so inclined. All the food is made in house, IE we make our own bread, dressings, we even make our freaking ketchup. That's fucked up. For my BEER friendly friends, check out the beer menu under the 'menu' section. 20 beers on tap, and over 100 seasonal bottles. The menu is for Oct Nov Dec. Everything changes (including most of the beers) every three months.
I just got back from my first shift and made a few notes for you my friends.
1. I am full time, but the shifts are 9 and a half hours long. What is that about? So I worked 12-930 today. No break. No meal. Lets just say the first shift was a little rough. *I am normally supposed to receive half hour break, and I do automatically pay 3.25 every shift for a staff meal, whether I eat one or not.
2. I am WAY out of my league in that kitchen. Lets just say my knife skills and kitchen lingo are not up to par. I'm not exactly Gordon Ramsay here.
3. I am a prep cook. I chop and portion shit all day.
4. The owner/chef and I had an interesting first conversation. I'll let you be the judge.
I am using a small knife to quarter two boxes of button mushrooms, this is the first time I have spoken to this man. He is a 50 year old fancy ass rich ass fat ass dude that runs the show.... you probably get the idea this is not a pleasant story... hehe
Buddy looks at me cutting the mushrooms glares at me and says,
Have you ever USED a knife before?
Umm (I pause. I am stunned.. is that a serious question? Wtf do I say to that?)
Well Yes, I uhh.. have used one before
You do it like this, ok? (leans in, shows me, abruptly)
Roger that, sounds good sir, thank you.
Next time you come to work, please clean yourself up.
(once again, stunned. Clean myself up?? What does that mean? I am wearing the chef jacket they supplied, a sparkling white apron, brand new chef pants I had to buy that cost me 60, a hat as needed, I had just got a hair cut so the hair showing was trimmed and proper, I had shaved the day before, and I had trimmed my little chin beard thing shorter then I've ever had it since I moved out here. I thought I looked gooooooood.)
(I pause and reply) Sorry... ? What do you mean by clean myself up?
If you're going to show up to work, you have to be clean shaven.
Oh, ok, yes sir, sorry about that. Not a problem.
(He walks away without looking at me while I respond.)
...
Ok, so I HAD shaved the day before, so I'm not exactly Zack Galifinakis. So I thought that he was commenting on the facial hair. I looked around after and saw THREE dudes with more facial hair then me, plus the dude the interviewed me for the job, massive goatee. What is this guys problem? What a cock sucker. SUPER rude to me. The first thing he said to me was a fucking childish sarcastic "Have you ever USED a knife before?"
How professional is that? Jesus...
He didn't introduce himself, didn't ask my name, or shake my hand. Not the whole night. Even when we crossed paths, or if he'd walk by me. Nothing. I even gave him a smile and a nod as he came up to me, he walks by and doesn't look at me. Walks by. In my opinion, that was a HUGELY disrespectful.
From an improv or writing point of view, he gave me a very LOW status.
The weird part is he was laughing and kidding around with his other managers and sous chefs, so it's not like he was having a bad day.
The other manager Greg was almost as bad. Super negative towards me, for 100% no reason. I showed up, smiling all the way, and worked hard. Both were dicks to me.
On the bright side, those were the only two that acted that way, and they left by 5 or 6. Everyone else was super nice. The guy that was showing me around and telling me what needed to be done was really nice. A couple of the sous chefs online went OUT of their way to make me feel welcome.
So I guess it's fair to say it was an up and down day.
I won't let people shit on me, so lets hope things work out.
Sorry, i just had to get that out of me....
SECOND CITY TERM 2 has started.
My first stand up 101 class was a smashing great time. We laughed, told jokes and just had a fucking great time. EVERYONE (12 people, including me) in the class is really funny in there own way. I am the youngest in the class :)
My first stand up gig will be on SUNDAY DEC 6th @ Absolute Comedy on Yonge Street. I am counting down the days.
My first improv level B class was on Tuesday, and it also went really well. There are 10 people in the class, 9 returning from my level A class, so its good to see them and continue to make friends. The only negative part is, the 3 or 4 people I was closest friends in the previous class with aren't in this one. And its not like they were replaced by anybody. This class is just 3 or 4 people smaller. Shitty. Oh well.. still cool. I really like my teacher as well. He's a pro Second City guy, he did a bunch of shows on the Main Stage and he really knows what he is doing.
I gotta go. I have to get up and work in the morning. God damned 10 hours shifts are going to get old.
I got a job at a fancy restaurant called The Beer Bistro.
http://www.beerbistro.com/
Check out the food menu and beer menu if you are so inclined. All the food is made in house, IE we make our own bread, dressings, we even make our freaking ketchup. That's fucked up. For my BEER friendly friends, check out the beer menu under the 'menu' section. 20 beers on tap, and over 100 seasonal bottles. The menu is for Oct Nov Dec. Everything changes (including most of the beers) every three months.
I just got back from my first shift and made a few notes for you my friends.
1. I am full time, but the shifts are 9 and a half hours long. What is that about? So I worked 12-930 today. No break. No meal. Lets just say the first shift was a little rough. *I am normally supposed to receive half hour break, and I do automatically pay 3.25 every shift for a staff meal, whether I eat one or not.
2. I am WAY out of my league in that kitchen. Lets just say my knife skills and kitchen lingo are not up to par. I'm not exactly Gordon Ramsay here.
3. I am a prep cook. I chop and portion shit all day.
4. The owner/chef and I had an interesting first conversation. I'll let you be the judge.
I am using a small knife to quarter two boxes of button mushrooms, this is the first time I have spoken to this man. He is a 50 year old fancy ass rich ass fat ass dude that runs the show.... you probably get the idea this is not a pleasant story... hehe
Buddy looks at me cutting the mushrooms glares at me and says,
Have you ever USED a knife before?
Umm (I pause. I am stunned.. is that a serious question? Wtf do I say to that?)
Well Yes, I uhh.. have used one before
You do it like this, ok? (leans in, shows me, abruptly)
Roger that, sounds good sir, thank you.
Next time you come to work, please clean yourself up.
(once again, stunned. Clean myself up?? What does that mean? I am wearing the chef jacket they supplied, a sparkling white apron, brand new chef pants I had to buy that cost me 60, a hat as needed, I had just got a hair cut so the hair showing was trimmed and proper, I had shaved the day before, and I had trimmed my little chin beard thing shorter then I've ever had it since I moved out here. I thought I looked gooooooood.)
(I pause and reply) Sorry... ? What do you mean by clean myself up?
If you're going to show up to work, you have to be clean shaven.
Oh, ok, yes sir, sorry about that. Not a problem.
(He walks away without looking at me while I respond.)
...
Ok, so I HAD shaved the day before, so I'm not exactly Zack Galifinakis. So I thought that he was commenting on the facial hair. I looked around after and saw THREE dudes with more facial hair then me, plus the dude the interviewed me for the job, massive goatee. What is this guys problem? What a cock sucker. SUPER rude to me. The first thing he said to me was a fucking childish sarcastic "Have you ever USED a knife before?"
How professional is that? Jesus...
He didn't introduce himself, didn't ask my name, or shake my hand. Not the whole night. Even when we crossed paths, or if he'd walk by me. Nothing. I even gave him a smile and a nod as he came up to me, he walks by and doesn't look at me. Walks by. In my opinion, that was a HUGELY disrespectful.
From an improv or writing point of view, he gave me a very LOW status.
The weird part is he was laughing and kidding around with his other managers and sous chefs, so it's not like he was having a bad day.
The other manager Greg was almost as bad. Super negative towards me, for 100% no reason. I showed up, smiling all the way, and worked hard. Both were dicks to me.
On the bright side, those were the only two that acted that way, and they left by 5 or 6. Everyone else was super nice. The guy that was showing me around and telling me what needed to be done was really nice. A couple of the sous chefs online went OUT of their way to make me feel welcome.
So I guess it's fair to say it was an up and down day.
I won't let people shit on me, so lets hope things work out.
Sorry, i just had to get that out of me....
SECOND CITY TERM 2 has started.
My first stand up 101 class was a smashing great time. We laughed, told jokes and just had a fucking great time. EVERYONE (12 people, including me) in the class is really funny in there own way. I am the youngest in the class :)
My first stand up gig will be on SUNDAY DEC 6th @ Absolute Comedy on Yonge Street. I am counting down the days.
My first improv level B class was on Tuesday, and it also went really well. There are 10 people in the class, 9 returning from my level A class, so its good to see them and continue to make friends. The only negative part is, the 3 or 4 people I was closest friends in the previous class with aren't in this one. And its not like they were replaced by anybody. This class is just 3 or 4 people smaller. Shitty. Oh well.. still cool. I really like my teacher as well. He's a pro Second City guy, he did a bunch of shows on the Main Stage and he really knows what he is doing.
I gotta go. I have to get up and work in the morning. God damned 10 hours shifts are going to get old.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
LUCKY ME
HEY SUCKERS!
I just got an email that has changed my life! Check it out! I AM RRIICCHH!! I HEADING TO MEXICO. LATER FOOLS!!! I would like to thank my friends at the UK National Lottery.
UK NATIONAL LOTTERY DESK
Reference No: ACCU/2009-200
Winner No: A333/ZZ5,
We use this medium to notify you of the lottery prize of 500,000,000 GBP (Five hundred million pounds sterling) won by your email address in this year's edition of the UK National Lottery.kindly contact Our payment Officer, below via email:
Mr.Graham Wilbert,
Tel: +44 704 571 0555
Email: uknl_mr.grahamwilbert@live.co.uk
Signed,
Notification Department.
I just got an email that has changed my life! Check it out! I AM RRIICCHH!! I HEADING TO MEXICO. LATER FOOLS!!! I would like to thank my friends at the UK National Lottery.
UK NATIONAL LOTTERY DESK
Reference No: ACCU/2009-200
Winner No: A333/ZZ5,
We use this medium to notify you of the lottery prize of 500,000,000 GBP (Five hundred million pounds sterling) won by your email address in this year's edition of the UK National Lottery.kindly contact Our payment Officer, below via email:
Mr.Graham Wilbert,
Tel: +44 704 571 0555
Email: uknl_mr.grahamwilbert@live.co.uk
Signed,
Notification Department.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Dr. Steve Brule
Hey guys, I'm going to start posting my favorite videos. Some of you have probably seen this before, but I just love it. This is from Tim And Eric Awesome Show. Its a really cool new hip sketch comedy show with crazy editing that sets the apart from any other. As my friend Morgan said, they make something of of nothing. If you ever get a chance to watch full episodes, do it.
This is the best of Dr. Steve Brule from season 2. (Yes, sweet berry wine is part of it)
This is the best of Dr. Steve Brule from season 2. (Yes, sweet berry wine is part of it)
Knock Knock
An old friend on mine showed me this. Thank you sir. It's not funny but it did blow my mind and bring a tear to my eye.
German 101
I really just make up the title as I go.
HI EVERYONE!
Life in TO is continuing as expected.
My Toronto Maple Leafs have started the seasons with seven losses. The Toronto Blue Jays absolutely shit the bed as soon as I moved here, and finished why back in the division despite a great start. The Toronto Argonauts are in dead last in the CFL and were officially eliminated from playoff contention for the second straight year after Friday's loss. The Toronto Raptors missed the playoffs last year for the 12th time in 14 years, and will most likely lose their best player (Chris Bosh) as we has expressed interest in 'testing the market' (aka getting the fuck out of dodge) Toronto also has a pro soccer team.. buuuut nobody really likes soccer anyways.
Yes, times are rough in the early fall, here in Toronto. Everything we do, we fail. The god damned trees even are shedding their leaves. We are loosing sunlight and warm weather as the days go on. We can't win.
Yet, today I walked around the City wearing my beautiful custom made Doug Gilmour maple leafs jersey. I won't let all this negativity get me down. No way. I wear my jersey with pride. It will take more then a few bad games to get me to throw my jersey away for the season. I don't care if my team is 0-7 or 7-0, they are still my team. Sure I heard "LEAFS SUCK!" a few times. Thanks for that by the way. Why must people always bring others down? It's times like this that make it tough to be a fan, but I ain't giving up that easy.
I suppose I was 'heckled' today. I better get used to that if I want to do stand up. I'm sure people can say a lot worse things than Leafs Suck while I'm on stage. I'm sure it will be tough, but I can't let them win. I Must Rise Above! I Must Survive! I Must Thrive!
So tell me, what's the worst thing you could yell at me while I'm on stage?
HI EVERYONE!
Life in TO is continuing as expected.
My Toronto Maple Leafs have started the seasons with seven losses. The Toronto Blue Jays absolutely shit the bed as soon as I moved here, and finished why back in the division despite a great start. The Toronto Argonauts are in dead last in the CFL and were officially eliminated from playoff contention for the second straight year after Friday's loss. The Toronto Raptors missed the playoffs last year for the 12th time in 14 years, and will most likely lose their best player (Chris Bosh) as we has expressed interest in 'testing the market' (aka getting the fuck out of dodge) Toronto also has a pro soccer team.. buuuut nobody really likes soccer anyways.
Yes, times are rough in the early fall, here in Toronto. Everything we do, we fail. The god damned trees even are shedding their leaves. We are loosing sunlight and warm weather as the days go on. We can't win.
Yet, today I walked around the City wearing my beautiful custom made Doug Gilmour maple leafs jersey. I won't let all this negativity get me down. No way. I wear my jersey with pride. It will take more then a few bad games to get me to throw my jersey away for the season. I don't care if my team is 0-7 or 7-0, they are still my team. Sure I heard "LEAFS SUCK!" a few times. Thanks for that by the way. Why must people always bring others down? It's times like this that make it tough to be a fan, but I ain't giving up that easy.
I suppose I was 'heckled' today. I better get used to that if I want to do stand up. I'm sure people can say a lot worse things than Leafs Suck while I'm on stage. I'm sure it will be tough, but I can't let them win. I Must Rise Above! I Must Survive! I Must Thrive!
So tell me, what's the worst thing you could yell at me while I'm on stage?
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Happy Thanksgiving
Yes, Thanksgiving is here already. Mashed potatoes, gravy, and six servings of turkey. Sounds pretty standard to me. I never really save room for dessert, buuut I manage to squeak her down anyways. A few glasses of wine, maybe a beer or four, or even a good old fashioned rye or bourbon, the way Grandpa used to drink. Whatever your drink of choice is, its always tougher to keep drinking after that big meal, isn't it? Try pounding back a 6 pack after two platefuls turkey gravy goodness. No way. Can't do it. I thought I solved the problem last year when I switched to wine, but try staying up past 9 o'clock with a belly full of turkey and 3 glasses of red wine in you. No way. Can't do it.
The left overs the next day are always my favorite. I remember I wouldn't eat breakfast in the morning because I was still full from the night before, but then lunch time comes around and I break out the goods. I fill my plate with more potatoes and salad and turkey and stuffing. I eat almost as much as the night before, and you know what that means. Nap time. I wake up just in time to do it all over again for dinner. God bless Thanksgiving!
This Thanksgiving is not the one I remember, however. I am sitting here, alone in my apartment as I write this. Being away from home at times like this can be a little rough. I do wish I could be back, even just for a few hours to say hi and enjoy a warm home cooked meal. I also know why I am here, and understand that being away is a price I pay in order for me to grow, learn, love and develop my craft. As I sit here typing and thinking of home, I can't help but smile. I know that without the continuous love and support from my amazing friends and family, that I would not be here today. And for that, I am truly very thankful.
So tell me, what are you thankful for?
The left overs the next day are always my favorite. I remember I wouldn't eat breakfast in the morning because I was still full from the night before, but then lunch time comes around and I break out the goods. I fill my plate with more potatoes and salad and turkey and stuffing. I eat almost as much as the night before, and you know what that means. Nap time. I wake up just in time to do it all over again for dinner. God bless Thanksgiving!
This Thanksgiving is not the one I remember, however. I am sitting here, alone in my apartment as I write this. Being away from home at times like this can be a little rough. I do wish I could be back, even just for a few hours to say hi and enjoy a warm home cooked meal. I also know why I am here, and understand that being away is a price I pay in order for me to grow, learn, love and develop my craft. As I sit here typing and thinking of home, I can't help but smile. I know that without the continuous love and support from my amazing friends and family, that I would not be here today. And for that, I am truly very thankful.
So tell me, what are you thankful for?
Friday, October 9, 2009
BACK IN BLACK
Hello sports fans!
It's hard to believe that its almost the middle of October. The weather is starting to get cold everywhere. Snow in Edmonton, Calgary, Winnipeg. Guess who is next? Fuck.
Possible snow later next week in the forecast. Here we go!
I think I am pretty much ready for the cold season. I do need to find a toque, and some good warm boots. It seems like last month I was having trouble sleeping cause It was too hot, now its fucking snowing. Damn you, God.
My Landlord did this yearly inspection of all the apartments in the building the other day. Mine is still shitty. I got a notice saying this was going to happen, something about a safety inspection, smoke detector/monoxide bullshit. So it said on the notice that he would come between 9am-4pm, and since I'm on the top floor, I figure he'll be around in the afternoon sometime. So I set my alarm for 10am, thinking that will give me time to get up and clean a little, and make sure the apartment looked landlord worthy. 9:03am I awake to a loud banging on my door. I bolt up from my bed like I had been shot. FUCK. I immediately know what's going on. In my head I say, Landlord here. Didn't clean. Put on pants. So I do, and open the door. Landlord and his assistant walk into my place. His assistant dude lives in the building, I always see him working inside or outside the place. He is tall and really skinny with a mustache and has his hair pulled back into a small pony tale, and he smokes like an '83 dodge caravan. He looks like a criminal and has the worst B.O. I have ever smelt. I swear to fucking god the other day he was cutting the grass outside (as oppose to inside?) .. he was cutting the grass oustide while I was coming home from the store. At this point, I couldn't actually see him, but obviously could here the mower. As I walk closer to the building, it hit me. The BO of a life time. I could smell his stinky ass 20 feet away. I could literally smell him before I could him. That's really bad fucking sign. Normally when someone cuts the grass, the air has a nice fresh crisp garden smell. Not this time, no way. This was rampant BO. It overpowered nature. It's bad man, really bad. And it's ALWAYS bad.
Anyways, the two walk into my place, and my landlord looks around and asks me where my smoke detector is. How the fuck do I know? This shit hole didn't have one when I got here, and judging by the many burn holes and black spots on the repulsive pink carpet, there hasn't been one in here for a while. So B.O. boy reached up to the ceiling and installs the fuckin smoke detector while at the same time raising his arms higher then the BO containment rules regulate. They made random quick small talk and left. The whole thing took about 30 seconds, tops. The BO hovered for about 20 minutes.
Now, I don't mind the safety of a smoke detector. I don't smoke, so it really doesn't bother me. The guy below me however must hate his life (or just took the batteries out of the thing) cause he smokes a lot. Every ten minutes I have the pleasure of smelling and breathing his second hand smoke as comes in from my luxury sliding patio door from below. (Why don't you just shut the door then, Brad?) Fuck you. Ok, back to the point, smoke detector. So it's later on, about 1 am now. Yes, I am a night owl. It's 1am and I'm feeling like dinner. Yes, I am a night owl. So I look through my stunning, spacious, solid oak cabinets for a suitable meal. I find three packs of Mr. Noodles, some tinfoil, and half a bag of salty stale soup crackers. Not exactly Emeril Lagasse over here.
So I put the water to boil to cook Mr.Noodles (chicken), and about 5 minutes later, you guessed it. Smoke detector. DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE...... Did I mention its just past 1am? I start huffin' and puffin' and the bloody thing finally stops.
Two minutes later.
DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE
You see, my oven does not have a fan or vent above it like it should. Not exactly a Mike Holmes design. So when I cook something, the smoke and steam just fucking party it up until Mr. Smoke or Steam detector says other ways.
After the second time the bloody thing went off I stood on the edge of the couch, ripped that fucker off the ceiling took out the batteries and called it a day.
Who need a smoke detector anyways? I'm on the fourth floor mother fucker, I'll be fine.
It's hard to believe that its almost the middle of October. The weather is starting to get cold everywhere. Snow in Edmonton, Calgary, Winnipeg. Guess who is next? Fuck.
Possible snow later next week in the forecast. Here we go!
I think I am pretty much ready for the cold season. I do need to find a toque, and some good warm boots. It seems like last month I was having trouble sleeping cause It was too hot, now its fucking snowing. Damn you, God.
My Landlord did this yearly inspection of all the apartments in the building the other day. Mine is still shitty. I got a notice saying this was going to happen, something about a safety inspection, smoke detector/monoxide bullshit. So it said on the notice that he would come between 9am-4pm, and since I'm on the top floor, I figure he'll be around in the afternoon sometime. So I set my alarm for 10am, thinking that will give me time to get up and clean a little, and make sure the apartment looked landlord worthy. 9:03am I awake to a loud banging on my door. I bolt up from my bed like I had been shot. FUCK. I immediately know what's going on. In my head I say, Landlord here. Didn't clean. Put on pants. So I do, and open the door. Landlord and his assistant walk into my place. His assistant dude lives in the building, I always see him working inside or outside the place. He is tall and really skinny with a mustache and has his hair pulled back into a small pony tale, and he smokes like an '83 dodge caravan. He looks like a criminal and has the worst B.O. I have ever smelt. I swear to fucking god the other day he was cutting the grass outside (as oppose to inside?) .. he was cutting the grass oustide while I was coming home from the store. At this point, I couldn't actually see him, but obviously could here the mower. As I walk closer to the building, it hit me. The BO of a life time. I could smell his stinky ass 20 feet away. I could literally smell him before I could him. That's really bad fucking sign. Normally when someone cuts the grass, the air has a nice fresh crisp garden smell. Not this time, no way. This was rampant BO. It overpowered nature. It's bad man, really bad. And it's ALWAYS bad.
Anyways, the two walk into my place, and my landlord looks around and asks me where my smoke detector is. How the fuck do I know? This shit hole didn't have one when I got here, and judging by the many burn holes and black spots on the repulsive pink carpet, there hasn't been one in here for a while. So B.O. boy reached up to the ceiling and installs the fuckin smoke detector while at the same time raising his arms higher then the BO containment rules regulate. They made random quick small talk and left. The whole thing took about 30 seconds, tops. The BO hovered for about 20 minutes.
Now, I don't mind the safety of a smoke detector. I don't smoke, so it really doesn't bother me. The guy below me however must hate his life (or just took the batteries out of the thing) cause he smokes a lot. Every ten minutes I have the pleasure of smelling and breathing his second hand smoke as comes in from my luxury sliding patio door from below. (Why don't you just shut the door then, Brad?) Fuck you. Ok, back to the point, smoke detector. So it's later on, about 1 am now. Yes, I am a night owl. It's 1am and I'm feeling like dinner. Yes, I am a night owl. So I look through my stunning, spacious, solid oak cabinets for a suitable meal. I find three packs of Mr. Noodles, some tinfoil, and half a bag of salty stale soup crackers. Not exactly Emeril Lagasse over here.
So I put the water to boil to cook Mr.Noodles (chicken), and about 5 minutes later, you guessed it. Smoke detector. DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE...... Did I mention its just past 1am? I start huffin' and puffin' and the bloody thing finally stops.
Two minutes later.
DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE DE
You see, my oven does not have a fan or vent above it like it should. Not exactly a Mike Holmes design. So when I cook something, the smoke and steam just fucking party it up until Mr. Smoke or Steam detector says other ways.
After the second time the bloody thing went off I stood on the edge of the couch, ripped that fucker off the ceiling took out the batteries and called it a day.
Who need a smoke detector anyways? I'm on the fourth floor mother fucker, I'll be fine.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Went to the bank, and made an observation
my fuckin bank has a security guard.
that's not a good sign.
one thing I don't get.
that mother fucker has no gun.
what the fuck.
the ONLY reason he is employed it prevent a robbery. People rob banks with guns, or at least some sort of weapon. That's a fact, cause there's no way some dude walks into a bank trying to rob the mother fucker with a frying pan.
BACK UP MOTHER FUCKER! THIS SHIT IS HOT! I JUST COOKED EGGS!
What?
But yeah, the Guard dude don't have a gun.
I don't understand that. Worst part is, this dude at my bank is a 60 year old east Indian dude. Now I don't have anything against the east Indians. I like them mother fuckers. I do.
But if my bank gets robbed, I don't want to have to rely on the 60 year old
frail looking, unarmed, peaceful paki!
He's putting hes arms in the air just as fast as any 60 year old man can, lets face the facts.
They say that that's what they are supposed to do. Do not resist, don't be a hero,
cooperate.
Why the fuck they even there then?
Alright so let me get this straight, I sit on my ass all day in that vault?
And in the odd chance some dude does rob the place, I give up my night stick and
sit my ass on the floor?
Correct.
How much does this job pay again?
that's not a good sign.
one thing I don't get.
that mother fucker has no gun.
what the fuck.
the ONLY reason he is employed it prevent a robbery. People rob banks with guns, or at least some sort of weapon. That's a fact, cause there's no way some dude walks into a bank trying to rob the mother fucker with a frying pan.
BACK UP MOTHER FUCKER! THIS SHIT IS HOT! I JUST COOKED EGGS!
What?
But yeah, the Guard dude don't have a gun.
I don't understand that. Worst part is, this dude at my bank is a 60 year old east Indian dude. Now I don't have anything against the east Indians. I like them mother fuckers. I do.
But if my bank gets robbed, I don't want to have to rely on the 60 year old
frail looking, unarmed, peaceful paki!
He's putting hes arms in the air just as fast as any 60 year old man can, lets face the facts.
They say that that's what they are supposed to do. Do not resist, don't be a hero,
cooperate.
Why the fuck they even there then?
Alright so let me get this straight, I sit on my ass all day in that vault?
And in the odd chance some dude does rob the place, I give up my night stick and
sit my ass on the floor?
Correct.
How much does this job pay again?
Friday, October 2, 2009
Registered!
Just registered for my 2nd term at Second City!
A few things have changed that I mention in my last blog!
I have made the very difficult decision not to take the Writing 2 class I wanted to take this term. With the Improv B and the Stand up 101 on Tuesdays and Mondays respectively, I wanted to really make sure I can focus 100% on Stand up. I will continue with the writing in the terms to come after my stand up is finished :)
Classes start as follows:
STAND UP 101 OCT 26th.
IMPROV B OCT 27th.
There is a two week gap between classes which has its pros and cons. Pro is that it will allow me to come home for Christmas for two weeks, and not miss a boatload of classes.
Con is I have to wait for 4 weeks before my stand up class starts.
I am super stoked. The class is 8 weeks long, and will end with me performing my very own 5 minute bit live on stage in a comedy club.
Fucking amazing and really stoked for it. I am also really excited about level B improv. It should start to get really fun and challenging from here on out.
LATER!
EDIT: This term ends DEC 15th. I plan to arrive in Victoria for the holiday season shortly after. :)
A few things have changed that I mention in my last blog!
I have made the very difficult decision not to take the Writing 2 class I wanted to take this term. With the Improv B and the Stand up 101 on Tuesdays and Mondays respectively, I wanted to really make sure I can focus 100% on Stand up. I will continue with the writing in the terms to come after my stand up is finished :)
Classes start as follows:
STAND UP 101 OCT 26th.
IMPROV B OCT 27th.
There is a two week gap between classes which has its pros and cons. Pro is that it will allow me to come home for Christmas for two weeks, and not miss a boatload of classes.
Con is I have to wait for 4 weeks before my stand up class starts.
I am super stoked. The class is 8 weeks long, and will end with me performing my very own 5 minute bit live on stage in a comedy club.
Fucking amazing and really stoked for it. I am also really excited about level B improv. It should start to get really fun and challenging from here on out.
LATER!
EDIT: This term ends DEC 15th. I plan to arrive in Victoria for the holiday season shortly after. :)
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